And another one bites the dust

My ring was on the dresser, as I suspected. My finger feels whole again.

When Corey and Shawn were younger, things were better for 'em.

And I'm getting out of here as soon as I can.

Last night, I did something out of the ordinary for myself. I packed in a record time of five minutes and jumped into my car. Within a half hour, I was on Wacker Drive.

And I didn't even speed!

Okay, maybe a little. But I was still going slower than everyone else! Shut up.

Anyway. Like I was saying. Remember how my last blog entry was about how I realized what was making me so unhappy? I've felt better since I figured it out and got it off my chest. And then suddenly, while driving to class this morning, I had another realization. No! I want to use big words, so I'm gonna call it an ephiphany.

I don't want to live here anymore.

And I love Chicago.

Okay, so that's TWO ephiphanies, sue me!

It's not medical school that sucks. It's Downers Grove that does. This campus puts you into culture shock, especially since you're transitioning from the Quad to this dinky place. There are only a few things I like about living here:

1. When you study at the desks that face the windows in the library, you can see the trees and all the pretty colors of leaves. Of course, that'll be gone by the time I start studying there more consistently. But then there will be snow. And that's pretty to see too.

2. It's like, a four minute walk from the door of my room into the lecture hall where I have classes. Come to think of it, it's a four minute walk from the door of my room to any corner of campus. That is nothing to complain about after standing at the bus stop waiting for the 22 and then finding out it's late and then your butt falls off your body because you're SO DAMN COLD.

3. I can come home to eat lunch. Like you stroll on it, have yourself some normal food - or in my case, insanely fobby food that even my mother teases me about - and you watch some silly tv shows and then you leave again. I dunno. It makes me feel good and healthy, you see?

4. Um . . . there really isn't anything else. Yeah.

And it's so BORING here. Like, fo real - what is there to do around here? Yeah, there's a lot of your run-of-the-mill restaurants around here, but nigga please - I grew up with my parents and my mama. There is no way on earth I would be happy eating at all of these chain restaurants. I miss eating at places where that restaurant was the only one of its kind and it managed to be better than any other place ever created. And you know what? You can get that in Champaign, especially Chinese. Good lord, do I miss the Chinese food there.

And on top of that, after a certain time, this place just dies. It's like you could die walking to the library, and no one would find you until the next morning when they're trampling your body going to class. Okay, that's a little gruesome and extreme and completely unrealistic, but poo, it's my blog and it's Halloween. I can say shit like that, yo. But for real! It's totally empty and I absolutely hate it.

And you know, I commented on that in my last blog - one of the reasons I'm so lonely is that I became so accustomed to the undergraduate lifestyle, where there's this constant pulsation of life. And that doesn't exist here.

But it does exist in the city. Good lord, does it ever.

The city is beautiful at night. All of those lights that shine. They're so purty. I know some people detest the way the city looks - all the high rise buildings, the architechture, so on and so forth . . . but I gotta say, it's such a part of the culture, and if it wasn't the way it was, it wouldn't be Chicago. You know? I like how when you walk down the street or drive, you can look up into the sky and see all those buildings towering into the sky. I dunno how else to explain it.

And the city is beautiful in the morning too, but in a whole different way. I woke up and I could still see the sun streaming in, reflecting off of all the windows. And when I made it outside, everyone was hustling. But for once, it's not a stream of students all going to the same building. Instead, it's individuals - each with their own agenda, each with their histories and lives, and they're all running together but to separate goals. And I liked watching them. There's that man getting off the train, and he's in a suit and he's got a briefcase, and I got to wondering what he does with his life. Then I got distracted by the woman that pulled into the parking garage with a Mercedes SUV (sucks to be her. Can you imagine how much she pays in the gas when she's got an SUV and drives in the city? Damn!) and she's wearing sunglasses. Lady, it's thirty something degrees out. You don't look cool with those on.

But you know what I mean? I absolutely did not want to leave this morning. And for all of my friends that currently read this and may come to read this in the future, you should know that I'm insanely jealous of you. I'm the only one that's stuck in this lifestyle, chained to a desk reading, dreaming of living something cooler. And the rest of you are either already doing that or one step away! You're interviewing for jobs that allow you you to be in this environment or you're in the process of looking for a place that lets you live in the center of this pulse or you've already got both of those things, damnit.

I'm not saying that none of you don't deserve that. All I'm saying is that I want it too. Since I was a kid, I dreamt of going to medical school in the city - it was my time to say that I'm young, intelligent, and independent and all life is about at this life is to work hard and play harder. I don't regret taking the DO route - clinically, it's so great that I wouldn't trade it in for the world. But deep down, part of me wishes I was at an MD school, because every last one of them is in the city.

I miss Champaign, but truth be told, more and more of me feels like I'm starting to grow up. And signs of that are everywhere. Bhajya uncle commented how mature and responsible I suddenly looked; all you have to do is log onto Facebook and see that people are no longer posting pictures of a night out at the bar but rather, of showers and weddings; recently, nights spent watching your favorite TV show with your best friend sound like they'd make you happy. And the reason I bring this up is because I feel like even though I miss Champaign, I've outgrown some aspects of it. What I miss about Champaign is what I could get in the city.

And so rises the question - where will I live this summer? And next year? And during rotations?

Suddenly, commuting is starting to sound like an incredibly attractive option.

Of course, I could just be emotional right now for feminine reasons *ahem* and this could be a passing fancy.

But deep down, I think I know that it's not. I have to get out of here.

Things have always been centered around money. It's one of the biggest reasons I'm living on campus. The dorms come out to be about under $600 a month; I have plenty of room here; it's convenient to get to class; not to mention I can pick up food at home once a week and minimize meal plans and the cost of gas. But you know what? I'm not HAPPY here. All that's running through my head right now is how when I'm doing posting this, I'm going to jump in my car and leave. I don't know where I'm going yet, but I'm getting the hell out of here for the rest of the day.

If you got this far, thanks man! I know my posts get long, but truth is while some of my writing style is for an audience, the actual act of writing is for me to feel good. So . . . sorry man. God, I'm playing the man game by myself. This is sad.

Kavi out . . . I stole it again!!