Um. I dunno?
I'm not quite sure why I'm posting right now. I don't really think I have much to talk about. But I'm at work right now, proctoring an exam - and while I probably should be studying for my upcoming anatomy exam, I'm so sleepy. I guess I'm blogging to stay awake. I have the oddest sense of deja vú right now - I remember in my last blog, I started a post very similar to the way I'm starting this one.
Last night, I had some family time, and I didn't expect it to feel so good, but it did. I know that's an odd thing to say. But maybe I just needed some of that cozy time to feel less isolated and such; it did wonders for me. I was able to come back and do laundry and clean and be productive, not to mention the fact that I was able to wake up on time. That in itself is a miracle.
It's funny that now that I have my own space, I really enjoy spending time with my sister. Before, she would follow me around every moment of the day, and me being as independent as I am, it would just drive me up the wall. But we chat pretty often during the week over the phone - I'll help her with homework or get filled in on the juiciness of 6th grade gossip. Ah, the good ol' days. It's kind of fun to listen to her jabber on and on, and sometimes, she just says THE most ridiculous things. Often, I look at her and wish I could be that laid back, that I used to be that laid back. Hopefully, that'll come back to me in due time. She just takes life in stride - nothing really gets to her. We caught up in the car last night, and all throughout dinner, we were whispering back and forth. I remember Yaveen and my dad talking one time, and Yaveen mentioned how he wasn't close to Deepak and my dad telling him how he was missing out on something big time. It's one of the big things I didn't like about him - what a lack of family orientation he had. And the fact that he wasn't even willing to look at it from a different angle or give him a shot. Sure, siblings have their differences and falling outs sometimes, but god, you can't be that stubborn and expect to have any sort of healthy relationship with anyone. I don't think I've ever really said it, but I love the fact that Aashay and Radhika get along so well. It's just . . . well, it's hard to describe, but that sort of relationship just gives you a cozy feeling, you know?
I saw my kaki last night - we found out over Winter Break last year that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Even though I know my family has some beef with her, I can't say I mind her too much. I didn't watch too carefully yesterday, but I was thinking about even though she had chemotherapy - she's wearing a wig - she seems fairly upbeat and active. I mean, she cooked dinner for quite a brood yesterday, and it was pretty good. She seems to have a fairly optimistic attitude. It's such a striking difference from my masi. She was so down all the time and frustrated with being sick. Not that I blame her. With the migraines I used to have so constantly, not to mention the random ones that still slam from time to time, I can relate. But sometimes I wonder that if she had a more go-get-'em attitude maybe she would have made it longer. I feel awful saying that. I mean, I've noticed this tendency for people to avoid speaking ill of those that have passed away, but it's something to keep in mind. Statistics say that you're more likely to beat cancer with a positive attitude, which makes sense. Then again, I remember hearing that when they actually diagnosed my masi with cancer, she was already in the third stage, meaning there was a near zero chance that they could turn it around. My poor masa. Two of his kids are doctors, and they understood very clearly what the diagnosis meant from the get go; they never told him though. He found out a week or so before she actually died that she had no chance of making it, from another doctor nonetheless. When she died, I didn't cry for her - she pushed as long as she could in the hospital to make sure she saw everyone important to her before she left. My younger mama was the last one to make it to the hospital, and she smiled and recognized him before she slipped into a coma. I was glad when she did die, because she was just so miserable and in so much pain. But I hate the idea of my masa being alone. He has this huge house and it's just him and his youngest son, who doesn't talk very much. My masi was the kind of woman that could NOT shut up if her life depended on it - she reminded me of a bird; it just seemed like she would flutter about constantly, always doing something.
Anyway. I digress. I think the point of that rambling was to have a positive attitude. Wow, I could have said that in a lot shorter way. :-P
I saw my kiddies last night. Justin was his chill self, as usual; Sonia was her cute yet demanding self, as usual. I felt bad though - I know she was looking forward to spending time with me, and I really didn't get the chance to play with her as much as either of us wanted to. I ate with the adults (good God, I AM an adult - how scary), and then afterwards, Nikita and I were going through old photo albums that my kaka has. Being so much younger, Nikita missed out on all the family goodness that used to go around when I was growing up; we went through some wedding albums and I showed her who everyone is. My mom called me upstairs - turns out my mota masi - she's my mom's older sister that I met for the first time last night - had brought all these old pictures and we had SO much fun going through them. There were pictures of my mom being all mad as a kid, some others of my younger mama in a diaper. Let me tell you, the kids had a FIELD day with that one! Then some of my older mama in bell bottoms. Ha, I made fun of him for that. It was just cool, you know? Seeing how us kids actually looked like our parents; seeing how some of the adults had the same features and mannerisms that continued from their childhood to the present day.
Hash, for not having anything to talk about it, I wrote a lot. Oops. I do that sometimes.
Alright, the timer is about to go off. So off I go!
Last night, I had some family time, and I didn't expect it to feel so good, but it did. I know that's an odd thing to say. But maybe I just needed some of that cozy time to feel less isolated and such; it did wonders for me. I was able to come back and do laundry and clean and be productive, not to mention the fact that I was able to wake up on time. That in itself is a miracle.
It's funny that now that I have my own space, I really enjoy spending time with my sister. Before, she would follow me around every moment of the day, and me being as independent as I am, it would just drive me up the wall. But we chat pretty often during the week over the phone - I'll help her with homework or get filled in on the juiciness of 6th grade gossip. Ah, the good ol' days. It's kind of fun to listen to her jabber on and on, and sometimes, she just says THE most ridiculous things. Often, I look at her and wish I could be that laid back, that I used to be that laid back. Hopefully, that'll come back to me in due time. She just takes life in stride - nothing really gets to her. We caught up in the car last night, and all throughout dinner, we were whispering back and forth. I remember Yaveen and my dad talking one time, and Yaveen mentioned how he wasn't close to Deepak and my dad telling him how he was missing out on something big time. It's one of the big things I didn't like about him - what a lack of family orientation he had. And the fact that he wasn't even willing to look at it from a different angle or give him a shot. Sure, siblings have their differences and falling outs sometimes, but god, you can't be that stubborn and expect to have any sort of healthy relationship with anyone. I don't think I've ever really said it, but I love the fact that Aashay and Radhika get along so well. It's just . . . well, it's hard to describe, but that sort of relationship just gives you a cozy feeling, you know?
I saw my kaki last night - we found out over Winter Break last year that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Even though I know my family has some beef with her, I can't say I mind her too much. I didn't watch too carefully yesterday, but I was thinking about even though she had chemotherapy - she's wearing a wig - she seems fairly upbeat and active. I mean, she cooked dinner for quite a brood yesterday, and it was pretty good. She seems to have a fairly optimistic attitude. It's such a striking difference from my masi. She was so down all the time and frustrated with being sick. Not that I blame her. With the migraines I used to have so constantly, not to mention the random ones that still slam from time to time, I can relate. But sometimes I wonder that if she had a more go-get-'em attitude maybe she would have made it longer. I feel awful saying that. I mean, I've noticed this tendency for people to avoid speaking ill of those that have passed away, but it's something to keep in mind. Statistics say that you're more likely to beat cancer with a positive attitude, which makes sense. Then again, I remember hearing that when they actually diagnosed my masi with cancer, she was already in the third stage, meaning there was a near zero chance that they could turn it around. My poor masa. Two of his kids are doctors, and they understood very clearly what the diagnosis meant from the get go; they never told him though. He found out a week or so before she actually died that she had no chance of making it, from another doctor nonetheless. When she died, I didn't cry for her - she pushed as long as she could in the hospital to make sure she saw everyone important to her before she left. My younger mama was the last one to make it to the hospital, and she smiled and recognized him before she slipped into a coma. I was glad when she did die, because she was just so miserable and in so much pain. But I hate the idea of my masa being alone. He has this huge house and it's just him and his youngest son, who doesn't talk very much. My masi was the kind of woman that could NOT shut up if her life depended on it - she reminded me of a bird; it just seemed like she would flutter about constantly, always doing something.
Anyway. I digress. I think the point of that rambling was to have a positive attitude. Wow, I could have said that in a lot shorter way. :-P
I saw my kiddies last night. Justin was his chill self, as usual; Sonia was her cute yet demanding self, as usual. I felt bad though - I know she was looking forward to spending time with me, and I really didn't get the chance to play with her as much as either of us wanted to. I ate with the adults (good God, I AM an adult - how scary), and then afterwards, Nikita and I were going through old photo albums that my kaka has. Being so much younger, Nikita missed out on all the family goodness that used to go around when I was growing up; we went through some wedding albums and I showed her who everyone is. My mom called me upstairs - turns out my mota masi - she's my mom's older sister that I met for the first time last night - had brought all these old pictures and we had SO much fun going through them. There were pictures of my mom being all mad as a kid, some others of my younger mama in a diaper. Let me tell you, the kids had a FIELD day with that one! Then some of my older mama in bell bottoms. Ha, I made fun of him for that. It was just cool, you know? Seeing how us kids actually looked like our parents; seeing how some of the adults had the same features and mannerisms that continued from their childhood to the present day.
Hash, for not having anything to talk about it, I wrote a lot. Oops. I do that sometimes.
Alright, the timer is about to go off. So off I go!
posted by Kavi at
10:34:00 AM
1 Comments:
<3 family time yo. old pictures are great! i found pics of my dad in bellbottoms, black rimmed glasses, and a fro, looking oddly stylish. I wonder if he was ever a hippie hahah
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Smoothieshake, at Fri Oct 06, 10:41:00 AM
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