Antsy

So. Quite a bit has happened since the last time I posted. And I could write about all of that. But you know what? For now, I'm just going to sum it up with song lyrics. I was driving on my way to my mama's house this morning to water all of his plants - their family has gone to the Canadian Rockies, I believe, for a little over a week - and I heard this old song on the radio, and I think this is on target to how I feel right now about some people.

Sometimes I feel like I've got to
run away
I've got to
get away
from the pain you drive into the heart of me
And I've lost my light
for I toss and turn
I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you . . .

I had an original idea about what I wanted my next post to be about. And I'm going to write about just that right now. Just because there was a showdown last night at home doesn't mean I have to change my life upside down. Instead, I'm going to throw myself into both of my jobs, meaning that I have a reasonable excuse to be away from home. I'm going to throw myself into the organic class and prove to MYSELF, and ONLY ME, that I CAN get an A. And I was thinking about starting a countdown anyway for when medical school starts? And I think I will . . . not only does it mean medical school starts, it means these are my last days at home, becuase I don't think I'm ever going to come back . . .

Ahem.

These days, most of the songs on the radio are passable. For some reason (which I know and I'll explain), there are a few that really get me riled up.

Justin Timberlake with Timbaland - Sexy Back. Usually, my first reaction to just about any song I hear, no matter how awesome it is, and no matter how much I'll end up liking it later on, is what the FUCK is this? And then time after time, it just starts to grow on me. When the first beats came on Kiss FM, I had that exact same reaction. And by the end of the song, I was literally bobbing in my chair. I don't I've ever liked a song so quickly, no joke. The DJ liked it so much, she ended up playing it twice in a row, because it was just THAT damn good. And I have to agree. I've got images of choreography that flash in my head when this song plays, and it's just so awesome.

Or what about Nelly Furtado with Timbaland - Promiscuous? Seriously. The lyrics to that song are so saucy. Every time I hear Nelly's part to it, I know for a FACT that I have facials on my face. I have this image of a dark and smoky club and me being dressed in black pants . . . probably some V-necked sparkly black shirt that shows some tummy (ha, just like the shirt that I always borrow from Sruth when I go out, except in real life, I safety pin it so it's not SO low cut). TONS of smoky eye makeup and I think my hair would be would be curly and mostly off my face with some locks hanging in the front. Yes, indeed - I want to be in the video instead of Nelly because I want to be sexy like that!

Yah, and then there's Yin Yang Twins - Shake. I've got a whole routine for that one too. Huge baggy cargo pants and black halter that's tight and short. I've got a whole guy girl set up for the song. Formations . . . the whole nine yards. I blare these songs so loud and roll my windows down and just drive . . .

And it all comes down to this. All I want to do now is perform. I love the visions that pop into my head where I can visualize steps and formations without actually doing them or drawing them out. I love putting together steps that make people take a step back and go DAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM. I love perfecting routines until there is nothing that could make it better. I love the clothes. I can deal with stage makeup. And I love dancing on stage in front of HUGE audiences. It's my time, it's my spotlight - I think everyone has that desire to be the one and only, the best of the best, the hottest, etc - and that's mine. Every single day the idea of giving up medicine and becoming insanely famous for dancing and performing goes through my head - it's a secret daydream of mine. But I guess it's not so secret anymore.

And I'm getting antsy. All I want to do to escape and I think this is why. It's my outlet. I was so burnt out during senior year with the excessive amount of drama. If people had let me do things the way I was in the beginning of senior year, I think I wouldn't have been so burnt out by doing it all later. Even moreso, I think I would have had a lot of the problems I did that year . . . but I digress. This is why all I do is want to drive - it's the only time I'm completely alone, in my own little world, and I can turn up the volume the way it should be. It's the only place I can perform. But I need to go back. ASAP. I need to put together a dance that's kickass. And if possible? I need to dance NOW. And not just the club stuff, although I'm totally looking forward to going out tonight with almost all of my favorite people. But it's not the same.

Alright, now I'm antsy because I drank too much water. So I'm going to sign off for now . . . it feels good to post regularly. :-)